//Bad Llama\\


Paris Hilton, Served

And not by John McEnroe.
With her own personal empire well on its way to rivalling that of her famous family's, Paris Hilton is used to getting what she wants. It seems the blonde bombshell will have to give up on her dream of getting married in the same place as Princess Diana, though, because officials in London have ruled her ineligible.

Paris has made no secret of her desire to walk down the aisle with namesake Paris Latsis in the historic environs of Britain's most important cathedral. "I've got my heart set on a ceremony in St Paul's," she declared recently. "I've always wanted to be a princess on my big day and only a wedding in England could make that happen."

Those in charge of the magnificent baroque church, which is one of the most celebrated features of London's skyline, say they will be unable to accommodate the glamorous 24-year-old, however. "Only royalty can marry on the cathedral floor," affirmed a representative. "You can't buy your way in, no matter how rich you are."

The news will come of something of a blow to the love-struck heiress, but it is unlikely to put a dampener on her blossoming romance. At the moment she is holidaying with her fiance in his Greek homeland and it appears she is much taken with the Mediterranean country. "Paris won't be getting married in Britain," confirmed her spokesman. "She's currently in Greece and it looks like it will be happening there." [HELLO!]

The Filth Of Colin

I feel prematurely filthy. And yet, this is a delight co-mingling with curious anticipation, disgust, excitement, and anxiety.

This could only mean one thing:
July 15, 2005 -- IF you liked the Paris Hilton-Rick Salomon sex tape, you'd love the Colin Farrell-Nicole Narain homemade porn video — if it ever gets released.

A man who identified himself only as J.J. called PAGE SIX a few days ago for advice on selling what he says is an authentic, 14-minute sex tape, but admitted he didn't have model releases from either "Alexander" star Farrell or the Playboy Playmate who briefly dated him two years ago.

J.J. described the steamy tape in graphic detail, starting with a naked Nicole in her living room turning on some music, and ending with Farrell pointing the camera at her white cat in the corner of the room and saying, "Baby, you have the most beautiful [kitty]."

In between, Narain, who was Miss January in 2002, displays her pierced tongue as she looks up at the camera and winks. And Farrell, who had a shaved head for his role in "Daredevil," reciprocates, saying, "I could do this breakfast, lunch and dinner."

Narain, who has a tattoo on her backside, also goes through a couple of sexual positions described in the Kama Sutra, starting with "the missionary."

"The sellers are supposedly looking for a seven-figure upfront fee to hand over the tape for release by a distributor," defamer.com reported Wednesday. "Even if someone was willing to pony up the money . . . they couldn't release it without Farrell's permission."

Detailed calls to Farrell's publicist at PMK/HBH, Danica Smith, were not returned. And Narain couldn't be reached, although a Playboy spokesman shrugged, "We know she dated him."
The only thing better than Page Six is Page Six, circa 2001. Can we bottle that?

OMG! Celebrity Poem


The cowboy-boot wearing dilettante sniffs, black
Amex demands use. Shoot,
Crash, Peroxide until
It's all a little Kitson!


Boho Gone Wrong

Alas, Poor The Meesh.


A Sad Day

Lindsay and Nicole? Too skinny.

Kelly O? Too fat.

The public is unhappy no matter your size. But it's nice to think some surgery can change that.

A dire day for one whom many saw as inspiration to those eschewing the Scarface diet for something a little healthier.

Kelly Osbourne has revealed that when the time comes, she will be 'sucked and tucked'.

The 21-year-old has recently come out of rehab after depression following unkind comments about her body.

Kelly went into therapy after jibes about her voluptuous figure finally got to her, as her mum Sharon confirmed:

"Essentially, Kelly had a breakdown because of her weight. They've always made fun of the way she looked. But this time, it was worse, and she could take it no more."

But now out of rehab, Kelly is determined to love her body, even if that means she has to indulge in a bit of surgery, according to Closer magazine.

'I don't think anyone is completely happy with the way they look,' she said.

'But I don't hate myself.'

'When I get older, I'm getting sucked and tucked. Look at my mother for God's sake! She looks fabulous and, if she can do it, why can't I?'
Courtesy of Ananova.


A Socialite's Life
Gallery Of The Absurd
Perez Hilton

This Is Fake DIY

BBC News
New York Times

06/26/2005 - 07/03/2005
07/03/2005 - 07/10/2005
07/10/2005 - 07/17/2005
07/17/2005 - 07/24/2005
07/24/2005 - 07/31/2005
07/31/2005 - 08/07/2005